Robert Pires World's Best Midfielder
'It's Like Living in a Stranger's Body'

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by Guardian Unlimited

Seven months ago, serious injury shattered Robert Pires's life. Now his diary lays bare his hopes and fears on the road to recovery; his emotions at his club's triumph and country's humiliation; and even his beliefs on French politics and war with Iraq. It reveals him to be a footballer with insight and compassion to match his talent

Sunday November 3, 2002
The Observer

Robert Pires joined Arsenal in the summer of 2000 at the age of 27. He was already a French international but cost just £5 million, partly because his final season with Olympique Marseilles had been a traumatic one as he saw his form dip and was stripped of the captaincy. His first six months at Highbury were also disappointing, and many wondered whether he would ever fully adapt to the physical demands of the Premiership.

Towards the end of his first season, however, he was playing well - though even this improvement gave little hint of the remarkable form he was to exhibit from last September onwards - when his sublime creative talents made him the key player in an Arsenal team on its way to greatness.

But on 23 March Pires fell awkwardly after a challenge by Newcastle's Nikos Dabizas. He had ruptured ligaments in his right knee, and not only was Pires's season over, he was soon ruled out of the World Cup - when he could have been a key player in France's defence of the trophy. After a season playing the best football of his life, it was the cruellest of blows.

THE FRENCH PATIENT

'You are forbidden to do what you love'

'This jump - I'll always remember it. Freddie Ljungberg was following up the move and was trying to get the ball from Dabizas. I came as a support. In order to avoid Dabizas's tackle, I jumped. As I fell to the ground, my right knee twisted outwards. I tried to pull back and then heard a crack. I believe this injury was due to mental tiredness, and that I was at fault because I was not focused enough.

Right after the tackle, while I was lying on the stretcher, Titi [Thierry Henry] asked me what kind of injury I'd got. I told him it was nothing, and that I would be out for only three to four weeks. I wanted to hold on to the glimmer of hope. I wanted to believe my knee was just twisted.

But during the next few days, with my knee still swollen with bruises, I knew something serious was going on. Arsène [Wenger] made an appointment for me to see Professor Jaeger, one of the leading knee surgeons in the world. Once in Strasbourg, in Jaeger's office, the verdict was given. The doctor told me what I didn't want to hear - the cruciate ligaments were truly ruptured and I could not play for the next six months.

I didn't want to believe him. I wanted to reject his whole diagnosis and tell him he was wrong! I was so upset, I went for a second opinion, to Professor Franceschi in Marseille_but he confirmed the verdict. My plane didn't crash in the desert, I'd only twisted my knee on a football pitch. But despite the brave face I was trying to put up, I felt so miserable - I thought my whole life was shattered. My everyday life changed all of a sudden.

The hardest part was that one had to practise patience. You are forbidden to do what you love, you don't get up in the morning, happy to be on your way to do the job you like so much. I was losing my habits, and it was so hard. I stayed at home, waiting, and it seemed very, very long. But after the injury was confirmed, it actually all went quickly.

I left for Laval, in the centre of France, where I stayed for 10 days with Philippe Boixel [the physio who helps at Arsenal and who works with the French national team]. The aim was to put the knee back in its natural shape. Then I left for Marseille, where I was operated on.

When I left the hospital knowing that the operation had been a success, yet another life started. I knew that the rehabilitation was going to be long and hard. What I didn't know then, but I do now, was that it would also be a fulfilling experience.'

WE ARE NOT WORTHY

'I felt an indescribable feeling. One should create a new word to describe my emotions'

When Pires was injured Arsenal were five games into a run of 13 successive league wins - an extraordinary sequence that took them to the Premiership title. They also won the FA Cup. Pires watched most of this from afar, but returned to Highbury on the last day of the season when the team were presented with the Premiership trophy.

Each player was cheered as he received his medal individually, but when Pires went to receive his, his team-mates bowed down en masse - their 'We Are Not Worthy' gesture publicly demonstrating who the Arsenal players regarded as the key figure in their triumph. It was a view shared by the football writers, who named Pires their Footballer of the Year.

'When I came back to Highbury for the presentation of the trophy, I felt like an injured soldier being supported by his comrades who had accomplished a mission without him. But I had lost my sense of orientation and I was not quite sure where to put myself. It was my first true success at club level, and when I saw the team bowing down I felt an indescribable feeling.

One should create a new word to describe my emotions at this precise moment. When I turned to my team-mates, just after having lifted the trophy to the public, the image was terribly strong: I saw them kneeling in front of me. I don't know who started it, I have never even asked the question. But I thought it was terrific. It was the final triumph of the beautiful season I had had. All my team-mates showed in this gesture their bond with me during my injury period. It was a magical moment.

And I never thought I could be voted Footballer of the Year in England. I thought I could do well, but not to that extent. I have grown to love this club, its culture and its supporters - Arsenal has become my oxygen. The combination of the trophies and my award were a wonderful outcome, especially for a foreigner who discovers a new country and a new way of playing.

Arsène really understands the meaning of the word patience. It was a word whose meaning I had lost when I was at Marseilles, where I was so fearful I would freeze on the pitch. Arsène wanted me to feel free. He wanted my football to be fluid. Since I joined Arsenal, I have followed this path - and today I feel totally fulfilled in England.'

CITIZEN PIRES

'I only speak up when I feel the urge to defend the values I believe in'

In the first round of the French presidential elections, on 21 April, the Left was defeated, and Jean-Marie Le Pen, candidate of the far right National Front, made it through to the final round. Many were outraged, including Pires who, unusually for a sportsman, expressed his political views in public and even said that some of the French national side might refuse to play in the World Cup if Le Pen were elected.

'I might be a shy person but I also try to be a proud citizen. I only speak up when I feel the urge to defend the values I believe in. Last May, I openly said I was fighting the National Front, whose candidate qualified for the second round of the presidential election. I publicly gave my support to the moderate conservative candidate, stating that it was inconceivable to have a President coming from the ranks of the extreme Right.

I believe footballers have a role to play among all other citizens. Practising the job we have, we ought to react, especially when one faces important events such as those which happened during the last presidential elections. We French, are lucky enough to live in a beautiful country, where the word fraternité is part of the official motto. All this would have disappeared had the extreme Right won.

Racism should be banned for good and eradicated from stadiums. All racist signs and banners should be taken out of stadiums. For us, it was unthinkable to imagine the extreme Right winning. My family has roots outside of France - my mother being Spanish and my father Portuguese - and I felt involved in this matter. It frightened me. Famous sportsmen and ordinary people alike rallied successfully against the National Front. It was only natural that the moderate conservatives finally won.

Generally speaking, I follow politics. It seems important to assess how my country evolves and to understand its place in the world. After all, I was born in France.

At present, I closely follow the West's negotiations with Iraq. I know that France is not exactly on the same wavelength as some other countries, such as England and the US. The very idea of a possible war truly scares me. Our politicians being the deciders, I just hope they will think twice because we could very well head towards a world war. I am putting my faith in the political powers not to start a conflict whose consequences no one can measure.

I don't know if it is really the role of professional sportsmen and women to take a stance towards national or international politics but if we, as athletes, can deliver a message, why shouldn't we? We are seen as role models by many youngsters. It is why many French sportsmen and women have made their feelings publicly known after the first round of our presidential elections.

One has to lead by example. Policies are not decided by us but by the politicians themselves. At least, we'll have used our voice, in the position we're in, to make our opinions heard. Somehow, there is a link between politics and sports and we, professional football players just like other citizens, have the power of free speech.'

THE SHAPE I'M IN

'Arsène would call me every single morning'

For the first four months of his rehabilitation Arsène Wenger sent Pires to Tiburce Darrou, the specialist who helped Tony Adams recover from injury, at his base on the French Riviera.

'For a professional sportsman, being injured is like living in a stranger's body and my time in Saint-Raphaël was hard and rough. In many way Tiburce and I were complete opposites: he has a great, outgoing personality, I am more reserved. I stay in my shell more. But over the weeks I did open up and I think we made a good duo. Tiburce always believed in me, and always pushed me to work hard. He introduced me to new sports - like basketball, cycling and rowing - and also to sportsmen and sportswomen from outside football. The summer was tough but I took pleasure out of this pain and this period went by fast, after all.

I would start every morning at 9.30 and train for more than two hours. I would then go to the medical centre to work with the physios. I would start again in the afternoon at 3.30 for another two-hour session. At first, I was not allowed to touch a football, I was forbidden to play. I did a lot of cycling. The Tour de France took place while I was at Saint-Raphaël and I almost felt like a professional cyclist - I almost joined them on one of the stages!

Tiburce organised my rehab work step by step. I rigorously followed his planning: each week, I had new sporting activities to do. All depended on his mood. If he wanted cycling, I would pedal, if he wanted to do rowing, I would row, if he opted for basketball, I would jump!

If I had to chose one of those three sports instead of football, I would opt for basketball. It is a sport similar to football, there are lots of dribbles, moves, and so forth. You also need to be agile and in my mind it is a very complete sport. The most difficult one of the three was rowing. I do not recommend this sport to everyone, it being really tough. But all three sports helped strengthen the muscles of my upper body: in fact I'm stronger there now than I have ever been - this work might allow me to finish the current season in better shape.

Arsène would call me every single morning. He wanted to know what I was doing, he wanted to check that I was working seriously and had the motivation to come back at the top.

During this time I was also constantly in touch with my family. I believe one's relatives are the most important people of all, they form a protective circle around you. When one is small, one always looks up at someone. To me, it was my father, Antonio, a former amateur football player. He was a striker of great talent. He has always been a role-model. As for my mother, she always keeps a close eye on me - she still calls me before every match ! The bond I feel for my parents is very strong. Last May, at the beginning of my rehab period, they came to spend four days with me, and even Tony, my younger brother, came along.'

WATCHING THE WORLD CUP

'When France played, I wondered: could I have done anything? Would I have been as tired as they were?'

While rehabilitating in the South of France Pires could only watch with the rest of the nation as his team-mates in the French team, the reigning champions, limped unimpressively out of the World Cup without even scoring one goal.

'I always felt part of the gang, even when they were playing poorly. In fact I felt part of them, especially when they were losing. It was going to be extremely hard to defend our title, but the team arrived in Asia in a state of extreme fatigue. We were criticised for not fighting enough - we are a bunch of adults who know what they have to do. I am well aware that the disappointment back home was immense because it was the World Cup. We have failed and we would like to apologise. Of course, it was not our purpose to get beaten! We are so sorry because we were dying to show to our supporters we could do the same as in 1998.

But uncertainty is the charm of football. The game is not an exact science. All over the world, today's football has improved. During the World Cup, I felt totally powerless when I saw the team lose. I would have liked to be with them, reunited even in defeat. All players suffered but I would have given anything to be with them.

I was on my hospital bed, or on the physio table and I couldn't do anything. It was not easy. I saw the match against Uruguay (0-0) in Saint-Raphaël, in the Rehab Centre. When France were playing, nothing else around us seemed to be important. I wondered: would I have been fit? Could I have done anything? Would I have been as tired as they were? Would I have been prone to injury? I will never have the answer to all those questions.

But despite what happened in Korea, France is not dead. The failure of the World Cup has to be erased. That is why the new French coach Jacques Santini has called up new players, like Olivier Dacourt and William Gallas. I have total confidence in them. I played alongside Olivier with the Under 21s and with William at Marseilles.

As for England, I thought the World Cup was a success. The only problem they faced was_ Brazil, the world champion to be. It is a shame. This team is young, full of talent, and is well managed by Sven-Göran Eriksson. I think we should keep an eye on them for Euro 2004.

I am also delighted by the level of performance of my Arsenal team-mates. I especially would like to defend David Seaman regarding the goal he conceded against Ronaldinho. I am dead sure the Brazilian did not mean to shoot there. Therefore, Seaman is not at fault on that goal. I felt sorry for him when I saw him cry. I know how hard it is.

I was also impressed by Sol Campbell and Ashley Cole - one could say I keep mentioning only the Arsenal players! But I also very much like Rio Ferdinand. He is a powerful defender who is going to shine and shine at Manchester United.'

PAIN, LUCK AND HUNGER

'With this minor injury, I'll go on. Others will never recover'

'Despair and moaning are not words I use much. I believe one must always put events into perspective. What was my injury compared to the life of others? One is never the same man after such an injury. One takes better care of one's health. You grow through this kind of rehabilitation.

I am fully aware that there are so many people who have experienced more difficult situations than me. I think of that every morning. I know how lucky I am. What happened to me is nothing in comparison of others' miseries. What are six months of rehab? I am now 29 and my situation is far from being grave.

I feel very proud to do this job, especially now, after this long period of not playing. I am lucky enough to be part of a team whose form has been magnificent, with mesmerising displays. It gives you the hunger to be available for the coach, to take part in the team. From now on, I intend to enjoy every single second of the season.

I never felt jealous of my team-mates. I see it as a great chance to be part of this squad. I know my time will come. I am therefore patient. I am proud to see what my team-mates can achieve on the pitch, both in the Premiership and in the Champions League, where we are giving a very positive image of English football. I am glad for ourselves and immensely pleased for Arsène. All this hard work is paying off.

While I was away, I was in permanent contact with the club through Arsène. He was even calling me from Japan, where he was following the World Cup. It was so important to me to know that the coach and the players were behind me. I never felt forgotten. People wanted to know when I would come back. This kind of support helped me go through the rehab period and I would like to thank every one of them, all those people who were inquiring about me.

Of course it was painful to have to miss the World Cup. This tournament is everybody's dream. I desperately wanted to go. But it is better to react in a peaceful way. I didn't want to show any tears in public and to cry on people's shoulders. I then thought of all the many people more seriously ill or injured. With this minor injury, I'll go on. On the other hand, others will never ever recover.'

THE COMEBACK

'Will I ever be the same again?'

On 15 October Pires made his comeback in a specially arranged reserve-team game against QPR. A week later he returned to the first team when coming on as a substitute against Auxerre in the Champions League.

'I was supposed to go to the World Cup, but I didn't. I was supposed to wrap up the season with Arsenal, but I didn't. I have been through the last six months like in a rollercoaster: hope, despair, hope again. But one question remains: will I ever be the same again?

I knew I would have to take my comeback step by step. At first, there will be fear, obviously. That sounds natural, doesn't it? But I knew I'd have to play as if there was never an operation - and that would be the hardest part. But other famous players have been injured before me. They came back at the top. I think especially of Ruud van Nistelrooy, who sustained the same type of injury as me. Of course, when I watch my team play so well without me, I wonder if I'll be a regular starter like I was last season. I know it won't be easy because, until the last couple of weeks, the lads have been in superb form.

My first comeback match was for the reserves against Queens Park Rangers, at Loftus Road. In the first half, I was rubbish. I wanted to be involved in every move, but I was a bit lost in terms of passing. In the second half, I played a more simple game. We were behind 1-0, but I enjoyed playing with the youngsters and, in the the end, we won, 5-1. I scored after a one-two with one of our young players. My shot was deflected, but still finished in the back of the net. And I also made an assist. It was a boost to win and to be fit. I could feel no pain. To be honest, I didn't receive a good old English tackle during this game. But already I tried to immerse myself in to the game with no fear.

My first-team comeback at Highbury was fantastic. When I came on against Auxerre, 20 minutes from the end, I had goosebumps. What I experienced then was a very intense moment - it was magical, unforgettable. The fans have been fantastic to me. It seemed that they had been waiting for this instant, just like I had. I saw them standing up as I was running in the middle of the field to take my position. My heart was full of happiness.

I was running all over the place and my heart was pounding and I said to myself, 'Calm down, Robert!' We lost but I personally felt better and better with my body. To score a goal is always sheer pleasure. I wanted to give my best and do the maximum but one could not realistically expect to see the greatest of Pires.

The next day came a reserve match against Ipswich, played at Barnet. This time, I started the game and lasted 70 minutes. We won 2-0, and I was lucky enough to score. It gave me lots of confidence. When one is absent for seven months, the most important thing is to find your ability back, as well as the feeling on and off the ball. From then on, the most important thing for me was to rest well.

Finally there was the match against Blackburn Rovers, last weekend. I tried to find the concentration early in the week, because my aim was to be a starter then - but it was not to be. I played for the last half hour. Of course, we lost again, and that was a great disappointment. But I have the feeling that we'll come back soon and find the level we had a few weeks ago.

But for me, after an absence of six months, it is still a great challenge for me to try to get back into the team. I will be frank with you: I still need to work hard. My morale is high though. Keep in mind the fact I have been sidelined for seven months. It is not easy. There are difficult moments and people need to be patient with me. But it is exciting! Personally, I feel I have nothing to lose. I can only improve.'